Open Letter To The U.S. Postal Service

Dear Postmaster General,

I've had the opportunity to observe the front-end operations implemented at many of your post offices on several occasions over the past week. I was waiting in lines, inching my way forward to renew my passport and send a couple of Certified Letters with Return Receipt.

It's interesting what one notices while standing in line for 15 minutes with nothing else to do but figure ways to make the line move faster. After all, that, at its root, is what drives American ingenuity.

There are a few suggestions I'd like to make that would improve the efficiency of the customer and work flow therein:

Suggestion #1: The Just Ask A Quick Question Window. Regardless of what post office I've been in, regardless of how long the customer line is, regardless of whether you have a formal "take a number" process, and regardless of how many windows are open, customers always barge up to the nearest window to "just ask a quick question." A quick question window would be a positive step towards serving the ignoramuses who think their time is more valuable than the rest of the customers patiently waiting in line.

Suggestion #2: The I'm A Complete Dumbass Window. Did IQ's suddenly dropped while I was away? People are stupid. Every trip to the post office makes one lament about the billions of tax dollars we spend on educating the masses. Perhaps we should offer high school classes on how to send a letter because people who enter post offices seem even dumber than your average Joe. (Yours truly excluded, of course.) Dumbasses should have their own window so they don't waste the time of those that have more than two brain cells to rub together.

Suggestion #3: The I Have Special Needs Window. Doesn't anyone just mail letters anymore? If you're going to tie up a window for half an hour tracking a package that didn't arrive in Egypt a week after you sent it parcel post, you need a special window. All people with special needs should be forced to wait in the special needs line so they suffer the same incompetencies that they inflict on others.

Postmaster, I respect that you may be struggling with a tight budget. The above suggestions should actually improve overall efficiency, but if you find they don't, you could always combine the "I'm A Complete Dumbass" window with the "I Have Special Needs" window since I'm sure that 50% of your customers qualify for both.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Sincerely yours,

Y|O|Y

P.S. Feel free to share these suggestions with the airline industry for their ticket counters and Departments of Motor Vehicles.
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