Hunk-A-Lot Hump Day: Maziar Bahari

Iran Goes Apeshit

It's refreshing that they haven't been burning Old Glory and screaming "Death to America!" Whatever happens, you can be sure Rush Limbaugh will blame it on President Obama.

Getty Image from Huffington Post.

From The "No Shit Sherlock" And 'I'm Scared" Files

Mohamed ElBaradei, chief of the U.N.'s International Atomic Energy Agency, says Iran may be hiding secret nuclear activities.

Ya think?

Compounding the scariness is a military parade that Iran held over the weekend featuring trucks with large banners on the side that read, "Israel must be eliminated from the universe" and "Down with the USA" in English and Farsi.

Can you say "World War Three"?

Speaking Of The Flip Flopping Chimp

Remember when Barack Obama was savaged by the Bush Administration for suggesting we actually sit down and negotiate with the Iranian government? Well, Obama was just a naive politico bent on hastening the ruin of America.

Or when the Shrubs said they wouldn't sit down with the Iranians until they suspended uranium enrichment?

From the Denver Post:

The Bush administration's decision to abandon a long-held policy and meet with a top Iranian official on that country's nuclear program has intensified the political debate in Washington about how best to deal with America's adversaries.

The White House decision was hailed Wednesday by Barack Obama, the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, who has blasted Republican rival John McCain and President Bush for spurning high-level talks with Iran. Obama said the United States should "stay involved with the full strength of our diplomacy."

Administration officials disclosed Tuesday that Undersecretary of State William Burns would join a delegation from five other world powers to meet with Iranian nuclear envoy Saeed Jalili in Switzerland on Saturday. U.S. officials and their allies hope Iran announces a decision on a proposed package of political and economic incentives in return for abandoning its nuclear ambitions.

The move marked a distinct shift from the administration's position that it would take part in talks with Iran only if the Islamic regime first suspended uranium enrichment activities, which U.S. officials allege are intended to produce a nuclear bomb but which Iran insists are for peaceful energy production.

Democrats interpreted the White House move as one that provided new support for Obama's approach, but the McCain campaign saw it differently. In a statement, McCain foreign policy aide Randy Scheunemann suggested that Bush's move was the kind of "multilateral diplomacy" McCain supports.

McCain "believes working with our allies presents the best chance to increase the consequences should Iran continue its defiance of the international community," the statement said, criticizing Obama for proposing what Scheunemann called "pre-emptive concessions."

Then from the Los Angeles Times:

U.S. and Iranian envoys Saturday had their highest-level diplomatic contact in 29 years, but the seven-nation gathering in Geneva on Tehran's nuclear program was quickly brought to a halt by Iran's refusal to say whether it would suspend uranium enrichment.

U.S. Undersecretary of State William J. Burns joined European Union foreign policy chief Javier Solana and other diplomats in an attempt to coax Tehran, represented by Saeed Jalili, to agree to a deal aimed at negotiating an end to Iran's nuclear program.

Instead, the diplomats were left wondering whether the Islamic Republic intended to join negotiations or whether it was simply playing for time as the Bush administration winds to an end.

—SNIP—

The inconclusive meeting was a setback for the Bush administration, which set aside its long-declared policy of avoiding contact with Iran until it agreed to suspend uranium enrichment. U.S. officials allege that Tehran seeks a nuclear bomb and fear that the enrichment effort will eventually give it the know-how to build one. The Iranians contend that the enrichment is for peaceful purposes.

—SNIP—

Even before the meeting, Iran's ambassador to Switzerland, Keyvan Imani, said Tehran remained opposed to suspension of enrichment, which it says is allowed it as a signatory of the Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty.

—SNIP—

Ray Takeyh, an Iran specialist at the Council on Foreign Relations, said the Iranians may feel they have a strong incentive to continue delaying on a deal because they may now think they are seeing a pattern of U.S. concessions.

"They got Burns there this week, but in another three weeks, they may have [Secretary of State Condoleezza] Rice, and after that [Vice President Dick] Cheney," he said.

From the Iranian viewpoint, Takeyh said, the American "red lines" -- nonnegotiable demands -- might appear to be disappearing so quickly they are no longer red. "They're purple, they're mauve, they're anything but red," he said.

Yet he said the Iranians may eventually agree to a "freeze for freeze" deal -- because they may believe that Bush is so weak that they could win more favorable terms from him than from his successor.

So, let's recap. Democrats negotiate with Iran = bad. Republicans negotiate with Iran = good.
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I'm Scared

This is the type of shit that keeps me awake at night. How do we stop these madmen? Or should I just start taking sleeping pills?

AP via Yahoo! News:

The United States and other nations will not allow Iran to obtain a nuclear weapon, Vice President Dick Cheney said Sunday. "Our country, and the entire international community, cannot stand by as a terror-supporting state fulfills its grandest ambitions," Cheney said in a speech to the Washington Institute for Near East Studies.

He said Iran's efforts to pursue technology that would allow them to build a nuclear weapon are obvious and that "the regime continues to practice delay and deceit in an obvious effort to buy time." If Iran continues on its current course, Cheney said the U.S. and other nations are "prepared to impose serious consequences." The vice president made no specific reference to military action.

"We will not allow Iran to have a nuclear weapon," he said.

Cheney's words seemed to only escalate the U.S. rhetoric against Iran over the past several days, including President Bush's warning that a nuclear Iran could lead to "World War III." [Emphasis Y|O|Y.]

Cheney said the ultimate goal of the Iranian leadership is to establish itself as the hegemonic force in the Middle East and undermine a free Shiite-majority Iraq as a rival for influence in the Muslim world.

Iran's government seeks "to keep Iraq in a state of weakness to ensure Baghdad does not pose a threat to Tehran," Cheney said. [Or, "U.S.'s government seeks 'to keep Iran in a state of weakness to ensure Tehran does not pose a threat to Washington.'" — Y|O|Y]

While he was critical of that government and President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, he offered praise and words of solidarity to the Iranian people. Iran "is a place of unlimited potential ... and it has the right to be free of tyranny," Cheney said. [Until, of course, we start dropping bombs on their heads. — Y|O|Y]

Cheney accused of Iran of having a direct role in the deaths of U.S. soldiers in Iraq and said the government has "solidified its grip on the country" since coming to power in 1979.

The U.S. and some allies accuse Iran of secretly trying to develop nuclear weapons and have demanded it halt uranium enrichment, an important step in the production of atomic weapons. Oil-rich Iran says its program is for peaceful purposes including generating electricity. [Despite its vast oil reserves, Iran will become a net energy importer within the next decade. Any effort made by the Iranian government to curb consumption meets with social unrest. — Y|O|Y]

At a news conference Wednesday, Bush suggested that if Iran obtained nuclear weapons, it could lead to a new world war. "I've told people that if you're interested in avoiding World War III, it seems like you ought to be interested in preventing them (Iran) from having the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon," Bush said. [I personally believe we are headed into WWIII, but I'm not at all confident on who is going to start it. This talk sounds like the Shrub is going to start it; maybe to fulfill a Biblical prophesy he has discussed with his creator. — Y|O|Y]

Bush's spokeswoman later said the president was making not making any war plans but rather "a rhetorical point." [Yeah, if anyone believes the Pentagon doesn't have multiple plans on how to conquer Iran, I have some swampland in Florida for sale." — Y|O|Y]

Also, on Thursday, the top officer in the U.S. military said the U.S. has the resources to attack Iran if needed despite the strains of wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. [But, I thought the President just said we don't have any war plans. — Y|O|Y] Navy Adm. Michael Mullen, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, said striking Iran is a last resort, and the focus now on diplomacy to stem Iran's nuclear ambitions, but "there is more than enough reserve to respond" militarily if need be. [Attention all reservists...your next vacation will be spent in the desert. — Y|O|Y]

The Bush administration's intentions toward Iran have been the subject of debate in Congress. Last month the Senate approved a resolution urging the State Department to label Iran's Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps a terrorist organization.

Sen. Jim Webb, D-Va., said he feared the measure could be interpreted as authorizing a military strike in Iran, calling it Cheney's "fondest pipe dream."

I consider myself a patriot, but more and more, I'm not sure if the United States is on the "good" side anymore. I know it isn't the "United States" or even the concept of "America" which I firmly believe to be the most impressive governmental system the world has ever seen. It is the people who are steering the ship. They say that people get the government they deserve. January 2009 can't come fast enough.
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Sorry, Mr. Holocaust Denier

Good ol' Short 'n' Smelly (Iranian President Ahmadinejad) insisted on Saturday that 15 captured British sailors had been seized in Iranian waters, calling Britain and its allies "arrogant" for refusing to apologize. Ummmm, we're expected to believe someone who denies the Holocaust? Even if he's right about where the Brits were found, his credibility is shot.
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Ahmadinejad: Little Superstar

Short and smelly, aka Iranian President Ahmadinejad, is seen here celebrating the capture of British armed forces as the Revolutionary Guard plays an early April Fool's prank on him by stopping and starting the boom box. His mother eventually shoos them all out the door — ostensibly to hang some gay people in a public square, to prepare some EFPs for export to Iraq, or to enrich uranium.

Iran claims the Brits were in Iranian waters, the Brits say they weren't and claim to have GPS satellite info to corroborate their story. Apparently this border area has a long history of dispute. I bet those captured wish that the Bush administration hadn't decided to only observe those parts of the Geneva Conventions that suit the captors not the captees.
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Interesting Blog Hit

Fellow blogger Manhattan Chowder posted last week about an interesting visitor to his blog via a rather unique google search.

I had one today that reminded me of a more complex issue:

Someone from Teheran, Iran hit my blog. No, they didn't hit my post where I called President Ahmadinejad short and smelly. It wasn't where I talked about Iran denouncing the movie 300 as psychological warfare. Nor was it when I explained Iran's impending energy crisis and their quest for nuclear energy.

This person was searching on....Anna Nicole Smith!

The whole situation reminded me of an op-ed in The Wall Street Journal several weeks ago. Long story short, they opined that Anna Nicole Smith is the epitome of why the rest of the world loves the United States and also why they hate us at the same time. She represents freedom and beauty. She also represents how our society can reward people without talent with riches and fame. Imagine that you are in Iran and the only thing you see about the United States is reflected in Anna Nicole Smith. We in the U.S. know how to put that in perspective, but folks in distant lands don't. She, like it or not, is one of the most visible faces of America and our culture.
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Iran Denounces 300

War epic 300, a gory portrayal of the Greco-Persian wars starring Gerard Butler, has drawn the wrath of Iranians for showing their ancestors as bloodthirsty savages. It tells the story of the 300 Spartan soldiers fighting off ancient Persians in the Battle of Thermopylae.

"It seeks to tell people that Iran, which is in the Axis of Evil now, has for long been the source of evil and modern Iranians' ancestors are the ugly murderous dumb savages you see in 300," fumed an Iranian newspaper on its front page. An advisor to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad described the film as "American psychological warfare against Iran."

I don't hear them bitching about Al-Manar, Al-Jazeera, and Al-Arabia cranking out anti-American propaganda and spinning news to incite ever more Middle East violence.

Oh, and they seemed to have missed the fact that the movie is a huge gay leatherfest. Talk about gays in the military!
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Middle East Energy Crisis

Just read an interesting Wall Street Journal article on energy consumption in the Middle East. It says that the population of 300 million in the Middle East and North Africa consume almost as much energy as the 1.2 billion people in China!

Iran is a net refined gasoline importer even though it sits on one of the largest oil patches in the world. It gets 85% of its budget revenues from oil exports but experts say they will only be able to produce enough oil for themselves within 10 years. More consumption, less exports, budget crisis, political instability.

This is why they are hell-bent on nuclear energy to help with electricity consumption and keeping the natives from getting restless. (Of course, that doesn't mean that they are/aren't developing nuclear weapons along side the power plant efforts.)

Iran's economy is circling the drain and there will be more political instability as it gets closer to a full-on flush and the government tries to hold onto power.
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Short 'n Smelly's On Another Screed

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad threatened any country that supports Israel, and said the U.S. and its allies had "imposed a group of terrorists" on the region with their support of the Jewish state.

Ahmadinejad said the U.N. Security Council, getting ready to decide a course of action on Iranian nukes, and its decisions would be "illegitimate" as long as it was dominated by the U.S. and Britain. He doesn't seem to think that when Russia and/or China don't agree and threaten to veto U.S. resolutions as a balance of power. And certainly he and his twin in Venezuela didn't have any problem using the podium at the U.N. to spout their radical idiocy when they were in New York City last month.

He still hasn't answered one fundamental question: If you're sitting on the fourth largest oil reserves in the world, why do you need nuclear power?